I was nervous going into my first EMDR session. No matter how much I had read about the treatment and practiced my coping skills, I was restless going into the session. Thankfully, the notebook I had been keeping helped expedite the process. Before beginning the treatment session, we sat and talked about a few of the things I had written in my notebook. This allowed me to focus on a specific trauma that I wanted to start with.            

I had a few moments at the beginning of the treatment where I felt ridiculous and stupid. I mean when you sit down the first time and you look at the light bar, it feels a little stupid. How is a light going back and forth going to do anything for me? That was the exact thought that ran through my head. I had to pull the memory of the trauma back into my mind. My therapist would start the light bar and I would follow it until she stopped it to ask me a few questions.            

I felt strange throughout the process. At times I felt like I was caught in a whirlwind of my trauma and the negativity associated with it. Other times it felt like my body was grieving the loss associated with the memory. Then I got to a point where I wanted to stop because it felt like it was too much. But I knew that I would be stopping in the middle of a tunnel instead of making it through to the other side. I kept reminding myself at that moment that I need to keep pushing through. That everything would be worth it in the end. It wasn’t easy to not request to stop.            

Once I was finally on the other side of the tunnel, I felt exhausted but lighter than better. I had the drive to follow my dreams and do things I have danced around doing. My therapist advised me to take the following 24-hours to rest and allow my brain to do what it needed to do.            

I will cover the 24 hours rest period in next week’s post.

Until then be kind and nerd out.